In UU youth and young adult spaces, two words are often used as short hand to ease into disagreement. “Ouch,” and “oops.” As you would figure, “oops,” is a way of quickly pointing out that what has been said or done was hurtful. “Oops,” on the other hand, is a beginning of recognizing one’s own mistake, a foray into an apology and addressing the injury. Part of the power in those words is that it is shared language; the whole community recognizes those two words as tools for tending to one another and building beloved community.

In several conversations lately, I have seen that we don’t have great language for raising concerns, especially with regard to race at Tapestry. We all were raised in a deeply racist society. We all are susceptible to making assumptions, using language, and making choices that enact racial bias. We all have things to learn about dismantling racism and building beloved community, including our BIPOC members. Time after time, we miss opportunities to learn because we don’t yet have a set of shared language, or enough trust to ease into difficult conversations.

One of the members of the Racial Justice Task Force encouraged me to always have the two words, “I disagree” in my back pocket. That tool has been useful, even though I haven’t used it quite as often as I should. I hope to cultivate a few other respectful interrupting phrases that are ready for immediate use in any conversation.

It is my hope that we will cultivate the language and trust to more quickly settle into difficult conversations, especially about race. Here are a few respectful interrupting phrases that come to my mind:

• "I wonder how a person who is ____ would feel about this conversation.”
• “Can you elaborate on your point please?”
• “Would you mind explaining that joke to me?
• “I felt (sad / confused / frustrated / surprised…) when you said or did _____”

What phrases will you keep in your back pocket? How will you help me to pause and think more deeply about the assumptions I have made?

Sincerely,
Rev. Kent